TOP TEN DISNEY VILLAINS
We know them. We fear them. Hell...sometimes we even love em. There are, in my humble opinion, the best of the best evil-doers in the history of Disney.
10. Mother Gothel
Film: Tangled.
Motivation: Vanity.
After hoarding the power of that trippy-ass plant thing and kidnapping an infant only to lock her in a tower and let her hair grow for 18 years (that shit is just unsanitary), she has the nerve to kill the only man in the life of the young Rapunzel but not before she kicks the chameleon against the wall. Yet she is the perfect musical-theatre villain. Fabulous and manipulative, she tosses out one-liners and melodramatic flair as easily as she does shards of broken glass.
9. Shan Yu
Film: Mulan
Motivation: Power/ Bragging rights.
I can't elaborate much on this guy. His character isn't established beyond that he is scarier than Hell and has some weird fetish about having old men bow down to him. He sounds like a perv but he has a smile that kills small mammals, so I figure his spot on this list isn't unwarranted.
8. Cheshire Cat
Film: Alice in Wonderland
Motivation: Boredom and possibly a mild valium addiction
A lot of people would disagree that he is really a villain and is more along the lines of ambivalent Wonderland furniture. After all, he doesn't try to burn Alice alive in a house like Dodo or crush her like those bitchy flowers....BECAUSE HE IS TRYING TO GET HER HEAD LOPPED OFF BY THE RAGING SOCIOPATH/TEA PARTY ACTIVIST KNOWN AS THE QUEEN OF HEARTS. The Queen can't be blamed totally because she clearly has some sort of visible derangement like a brain tumor or mental disease. Alice was clearly in trouble and what does the Cheshire cat do? Throws out "Fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant" like a stripped, disappearing douche-bag.
7. Madam Mim
Film: Sword in the Stone
Motivation: Bat-shit insanity.
Madam Mim is hands-down my favorite Disney antagonist. She has unlimited magical ability and spends all her time destroying what is pure and decent for sport (not unlike our own Rush Limbaugh). What other villain could boast an opening line better than "Sounds like someone's sick. How lovely!" We learn something right away about this bitch. She means business. She withers flowers. She turns into dangerous animals and she only wants rules so she can break em. She is like all four of the Golden Girls rolled into one.
6. Dr. Facilier
Film: The Princess and the Frog
Motivation: Ambition/ Repressed homosexuality
We've had some fun with villains so far. Forget that shit now. Dr. Facilier is one terrifying bitch. He has a trippy shadow that moves on its own and a league of demons willing to do his bidding even if it includes traveling through the swamps looking for one of the only two frogs who apparently live in the Louisiana bayous. He has friends on the other side and they are pissed. He is not above a bargain (or mild voodoo and blood curses) to get his way (see also: Christine O'Donnell).
5. Scar
Film: The Lion King
Motivation: Ambition/ Sibling rivalry
This is another villain I with a twang of sympathy. While Scar is a raging lunatic who mass-organizes the down-trodden animals of the Pride Lands to form a coup-de-grace against his own brother whom he mercilessly tosses into a stampede, there is clearly something in what he wants. While Disney spends the film portraying the Pride Lands as happy and pretty enlightened about death and natural balance, this hippy-dippy bullshit wears thin if you happen to be a hyena. They have to stay in an elephant grave yard and clearly have good reason to follow Scar in his revolt. Disney message: There is never any need for a labor union or else Mufasa died in vain. My version: Scar probably suffered from Daddy-issues and clearly was an ineffective ruler, but Mufasa wasn't a crack-shot either. Lions don't control the weather.
4. Hades
Film: Hercules
Motivation: Ambition/ Power-lust.
You have to feel bad for Hades. He is clearly a much smarter being than the idiotic, man-child Zeus who inexplicably has slept his way to the top of Mount Olympus. Then, through blatant and unconcealed nepotism, he forces every deity to shower gifts and praise to his new brat Hercules. By now, Hades should be good and pissed. He works all day in a literal hell and can't go anywhere without people trying to bum a ride. He just wants to rule the cosmos and isn't afraid to bring in outside resources to get what he wants. Move this guy from middle-management to the top of the heap says this Disney fan.
3. Lady Tremaine
Film: Cinderella
Motivation: Stone-cold bitchiness/ Sloth
From the get-go, there is very little to like about this lady. While Cinderella is clearly about a 2 watt in terms of brightness, she certainly doesn't deserve the abuse heaped on her by some lady who sits in bed all day. Furthermore, she is totally sinister. I still don't like looking in mirrors because I am slightly afraid I'm going to see the reflection of her locking me in my bedroom so that I can't get married to some hot rich guy who can only recognize my feet. Maybe she was doing Cinderella the biggest favor of her life, because, Hell, the bitch got a kingdom and 8 shows a day a Disneyland because she DIDN'T go to the ball in that 80s prom dress thrown together at the last minute by vermin.
2. Judge Claude Frollo
Film: Hunchback of Notre Dame
Motivation: Umm...let's just say loving too much.
He is that creepy gym teacher who looked at your rack, that boring old person who doesn't like music or modern haircuts, and that "bingo" Nazi from Inglourious Basterds all in one. Anyone who would burn half of a freaking city to the ground simply so he could get laid needs a spot on a list of sociopaths and raging lunatics. He kills people right and left and has the law on his side. Also, someone needs to take him shopping. If he wasn't wearing that robe thing, he might have been number 3, but he looks like number 2 in that thing, so it is where I put him. Seriously. It's ugly as hell.
1. Maleficent
Film: Sleeping Beauty
Motivation: Spite
Here's a right vicious bitch. She spends 16 years plotting the death of some random woman and goes to extreme lengths that ultimately end in her own death...because she wasn't invited to a baby shower. Clearly her powers are beyond compare. She can make stone walls disappear (and have her creepy yellow eyes stare through them), turn into a freaking dragon, and has a scary-ass palace where she controls the weather. I wouldn't want to tango with this bitch and as a direct result, I still send her invitations to any parties I'm having.
